Omg Doug is talking in his sleep and I’m able to ask him questions—even completely random ones, and he’ll answer like it’s completely normal. He’s talking about knowing some guy and I’m asking him things like does the guy like Pokémon and Doug was like “y’know I don’t know” and I said “you should ask him” and he said “I really should!!”
- “Eat” the damn Play-doh cookies.
- Slurp the invisible soup.
- Pretend that they’re not causing grievous bodily harm as they “brush” your hair.
- Always be serious when asked what you’d like for dinner, and never say something silly like rabbit soup. Because they will go get their stuffed one off the bed, put it in your best pot, and fill said pot with water. Then place it on your desk.
- Greet their make believe friends and ask how their day was.
- Always kiss the teddy bear goodnight. It has feelings too.
- Always pretend to die when they shoot you.
- If you are having a fake war with them and you shoot them and they say they can’t die because they are invincible, you don’t shoot them again, because they are invincible.
- Yes, their drawing does look like a butterfly, not a bunch of jumbled up lines.
- Them pounding on the piano is the best thing you have ever heard.
no but seriously it’s very important to a child’s development to not be shut down by parents and other caregivers
i cant stand those dad jokes
does that mean im not meant to be a father
ok so someone was supposed to reply with
"its nice to meet you ‘not meant to be a father’."
but none of you did and i am disappointed
hi disappointed, I’m dad
I can't hear properly to save my life
- Boyfriend: So, there's this group of feminist humanoids in this campaign and their spit is really poisonous.
- Me: What about that makes them feminist?
- Boyfriend: I said VENOMOUS not feminist!